Merry Christmas!

I know, I know.
It is kinda late to be doing this, this meaning Christmas wishes. Its already less than an hour away to boxing day, but I'm still gonna go through with it anyway.

Taking a break from the melancholy of the previous lot of posts to acknowledge and celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus who was born on this very day and died years later for the salvation of the sinners of the world, us.
Without him, the punishment of our sins would have been an undeniable, inescapable death coupled with, of course, the bottomless fiery abyss we call Hell.
With him, we have salvation and the promise of a life everlasting with Jesus in Heaven.

Anyway, lets get it over with.

Wishing everyone out there Merry Christmas and a great year ahead!

twistedshaft.
25/12/08
here's hoping you're sitting happy and safe at home smiling to yourself as you gaze at the countless presents encompassing you. be happy. merry christmas.

I didn't know...didn't notice the signs.

Ignorance is bliss?

I don't think so.
At least not for everyone.
It is bliss, true.
But only to the person practicing it.

Time ticks on.
The world moves on.
Everyone moves on.
She moves on.
With or without you.

Ignorance is self-denial.
Disregarding what is true and real.
Living a lie.
Being insensitive to your feelings.
Ignorance ain't bliss.

twistedshaft.
23/12/08
I didn't know, I swear I didn't.

Out of my hands

The silence is unnerving
From the other end of the line
You've closed the door, locking it tight...
The fear of the unknown
Eating at me from the inside out
You keep to yourself, not making a sound...
Everything is set, the surgeon's ready
But where is the patient
Let me help cure your sickness...
I will...
Cure the disease
Take away the pain
Ease the pain
Even if it kills me...

twistedshaft.
20/12/08
help me, to help you...

I Am...

I am distracted.when you smile...
I am happy.when you're happy...
I am relaxed.when you're safe...

I am frustrated.when you close up on me...
I am alone.when you stay silent...
I am confused.when you leave things unexplained...

I am completed.when you're near...

twistedshaft.
19/12/08
I don't regret it, even the least.

Whatever It Takes

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see."
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me."

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

Lifehouse

twistedshaft.
17/12/08
the words in green, i would say.

Something I can't do alone

I'm looking for something.
Something I can't find alone.
The person behind that brave smile.
I want to do something.
Something I can't do alone.
Turn those frowns upside down.
I want to help someone.
Someone I can't help alone.
Help break down those walls keeping you in.
I want to know someone.
Someone I can't know alone.
Know you inside out.
I want to befriend someone.
Someone I can't befriend alone.
Friends, a two way contract.

I don't want to be moved.
Something no one can make me do.
Unchanging. Constant.

twistedshaft.
17/12/08
you speak, i'll listen. you don't, i won't push further. the world at your pace...

A time for change

I have decided.
Time calls for change.

I am
Selfish.
Insensitive.
Self-absorbed.
Insecure.
Impatient.
And the list continues...

Look where its gotten me...
Nowhere I can call paradise.
That's for sure.

I want to be
Selfless.
Sensitive.
Thoughtful.
Secure.
Patient.
And the list should continue...

I want to say that
I am prepared.
I have prepared everything.
I have planned everything.
Everything's ready.
You're not ready. I respect that. I am ready whenever you are. Ready to venture into the dark abyss to see if there is light beyond the tunnel. Be it a long wait or soon. I will hang on to those last words you said. It is unfinished...
"Next time I guess."

twistedshaft.
14/12/08
ready whenever you are...

And so the bomb drops...

BOOM!
A shockwave fans out.
Building fall.
Fires are started.
Screams rise.
Devastation covered by the beautiful mushroom shaped cloud.
What a beautiful mess it is.

The cascade of emotions.
Helplessness.
Confusion.
Disappointment.
Anger.
Sadness.
Loss.

One by one they fall.
Consuming everything they touch.
Death they do not bring.
But they bring something if death cannot stand next to.

Emptyness.
The never ending abyss.
As you endlessly fall you wonder
What was that mistake?
That lack of judgment that released such a catastrophe.

We'll never know i guess.

twistedshaft.
14/12/08
until unless of course the bomb speaks to us, providing the answers.

she FOLDS

Picture this.
You're sitting at the poker table.
You're holding great cards.
Just from the flop itself you've got the perfect hand in front of you.
You know your chances of winning are really high.
Everyone has folded.
Its just you and one other.
Your gut tells you she stands no chance.
You don't want to scare her away.
You bet small, coaxing her to follow.
You reach the last phase, the river has just ended.
You place your bet, not too big you tell yourself.
She FOLDS.

Don't you hate it when that happens?
You put so much care and effort in molding and crafting your perfect game and it doesn't pull through.
You put your heart into it thinking that nothing could go wrong.
WRONG.
Everything can and will go wrong, in the wise and true words of Murphy.

I did my best I guess.
Tried to keep the bids small to coax the other.
I guess it was too much, too quick, too soon.
I guess that's what happens when you barbecue your satay with a naked flame.
It appears to be cooking fast, yes.
The results come quick.
But inside, the meat remains raw.
The final result, a ruined satay.
And a bad stomach.

twistedshaft.
14/12/08
still hanging on the words you said, "Next time I guess, sorry."

Responses

pretty outdated and late, yes, but i felt like it.

12/08/08
i guess no one really understands love? but that's what makes it thrilling and exciting doesn't it? its all about experiencing it and learning from it everyday.

13/08/08
worrying never got anyone anywhere. i'm not saying that worrying isn't important, it keeps you on your toes, yes, but too much can get unhealthy. i hope whatever it is, it will be enough.

15/08/08
many have gone through a phase like this and have picked themselves up. you're not alone. hope this helps:
“Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

23/08/08
i'd like that too. great times... we all get nostalgic, it ain't a shame, especially when we're down. we all hope and want something better, somewhere to leave for, for safe refuge. we can't always get what we want, true. my suggestion, want smaller things. you want a hug. get one, its easily assessible from a loved one. sometimes its all we need when we're down. not a solution to the problem, no, but assurance that you're not alone, yes.

24/08/08
the fact that i'm responding. apparently someone gives a damn. haha. oh well, take it as an opportunity to get some work done, even if it wasn't exactly in a comfortable environment. positive thinking yeah, half the battle won.

29/08/08
if you wanted to, yes.
but then again, not a question for me to answer i guess.

30/08/08
i'll give it unique and interesting.

twistedshaft
30/08/08

During a GP test...

"Beauty is but a perception."

Had to write an AQ in GP regarding the never-ending quest to attain true beauty and perfection. Thought of this during the last 5 minutes to conclude my passage. Satisfaction is living by your own perception of what beauty is, not by the perceptions of others. Therefore, True beauty is finding this satisfaction in oneself. Think it makes sense. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You decide whether or not you're truly beautiful.

twistedshaft
30/08/08
beauty, definitely something you've got in abundance.

My Stupid Mouth

My stupid mouth
Has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see
She was offended
She said "well anyway..."
Just dying for a subject change

Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon

We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker
And I could see clearly, An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good, what JUST slipped out and what went wrong

Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me

Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now... Starting now

One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked
I just wanna be funny
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire

I'm never speaking up again
it only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
than she desert me

oh i'm never speaking up again
i'm never speaking up again
i'm never speaking up again
Starting now, starting now...

twistedshaft
26/08/08
What I need, your Forgiveness.

Something's not right

my days don't start right.

the mornings seem different lately...
something just isn't quite there.
a common sight becoming uncommon.

hoping it doesn't stay that way...

twistedshaft
12/08/08

READ

hold that thought...

YOU MATTER.
because what you do makes a difference in the lives of the others around you.

especially mine.

i wish you'd stop thinking that you're:

insignificant
unnoticeable
worthless
unable
incapable
weak

YOU'RE NOT.

twistedshaft
10/08/08
I would notice. If I count.

My Marijuana

its a poison, its a drug.
something that always returns.
regardless of how you dispose it.
moaning as i chuck it behind again...

it bites, it rips, it tears apart.
bit by bit...it snaps at your soul.
with every word stinging like acid.
wincing as it takes another chunk off...

resist it, fight back.
oh wait...you can't.
you've got nothing left to fight with.
no target to shoot at...

no guns or roses.
no words or proses.
nothing that would stand a chance.
it just doesn't matter...

like words falling on deaf ears...

twistedshaft
31/07/08
shouting while firing blanks. when will they have their chance?

6 Quotes on Persistance

...stumbled on these on the net.

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
- Thomas Alva Edison

Guilty.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
- W.C. Fields

Not applicable. Yet.

The best way out is always through.
- Robert Frost

Very true.

You're not obligated to win. You're obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day.
- Marian Wright Edelman

I believe that.

The secret of success is constancy to purpose.
- Benjamin Disraeli

I'll live by that.

twistedshaft.
29/07/08
Love is within us. Just waiting to be released.

No Greater Love

The ground taken from underneath my feet
I fell to the floor
Kicked and looted till there was nothing

Trampled into the dirt, left in a heap
A bloodied, bruised and mangled mess
Everything had been taken

But one thing
The only constant
The one thing that no one could take away

I stood up
Trudged on down the path
Putting one feet ahead of the other

Singing a tune
While pulling that treasure closer
Placing it against the drum whose beat gave life

There is no greater love

Than a friend laying down his life for another
Than a stranger taking the blow for someone he never knew
Than a lover giving up his happiness in exchange for the happiness of the one he loves

They say,
Love is patient, kind, does not boast, does not envy. It is not proud, not self seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
- Adapted from 1 Corinthians 13:5

There is no greater love.

twistedshaft.
18/07/08
always trusting, hoping, persevering. till that day.

Just an urge...

Was looking through my schedule and my homework list.

5 days a week with lessons ending at 340, exception of Monday, which ends at 430.
3 consolidation sessions, every week for 7 weeks.
Loads and loads of homework to finish, even though I'm relatively keeping pace with my tutors.
Numerous VA's/projects, to complete with looming deadlines. (Chinese/Literature)
Weekly quizzes and lecture tests.
Reaching home at 8 almost 5 days a week.

These 6 lines,
Even they can't fully express all the stuff I've got lined up for me.
The small but significant tasks/pieces of work here and there are just too many to name.

At that moment,
I felt the sudden urge to fulfill a wild fantasy of mine.
QUIT SCHOOL PLAY GUITAR.
Imagine, the fun, the freedom, the music :)

Oh well,
Crashed back down to Earth moments later.
That's why its called a wild fantasy.
The sheer improbability of it.

It would've been nice though.

twistedshaft.
16/07/08

Inspiration

I find that I'm starting to write better.
Some new inspiration I've found.
The words seem to come to me easier.
May be I'll carve a career out of this. :)

To be released: No Greater Love

A working progress...

twistedshaft.
13/07/08

I'll Keep Singing

We all sing for a reason.
Be it for a small or significant cause.
We all have something we sing for.

We take that reason, that cause.
Hold it tight and let the notes flow out of us.
Allowing these notes to fleet towards their goal.

I take my reason, my cause.
And I keep singing, its all I want to do.
In hope that the notes i sing will become pleasant and welcome.
And that someday someone will hear me and sing back.

Hear me. Whenever you're ready. Cause i'll never stop singing.
twistedshaft.
13/07/08

Smile :)

In three words I can sum up everything that I've learned about life, "It goes on." When the going gets tough, make yourself realize that no matter what your problem is, someone is and always will be fighting a harder battle.

Make the impossible, possible. Never give up! You only fail when you fail to try. Keep an open mind; you never know what you may learn.

Everyday is a gift, even if it sucks. Count your blessings, not your troubles. Smile away your days, and dream away your nights.

Life, what a wonderful thing!

"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. "

~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Sound familiar?

Remember to smile:)

twistedshaft.
11/07/08

Penned down quite a while ago...

Its all so simple
The path so clear
I guess I never wanted to find it
I guess we all have to face reality someday

A sufficient stimulus
A moments folly
A weak heart and frail mind
A hand failing to restrain the beast

Is it too late to apologise?
Too late to plead guilty?
Crimes of passion, foolishness, stepping across lines
Sucker for punishment? I stand.

A friendship greatly desired
A friendship given
A selfish desire for something more
A something more not given

The world is fair
We can't always have everything
We can't always possess whatever we want
We can't always win

Time has proven itself time and time again
The hero and the bane
The double-edged sword
As to what the future holds
Only time will tell

In time, only change is constant
People change, circumstances change
I will change, but a part of me will remain constant
Locked in a safe deep within
It growls and struggles against the suppressing bars
To be released by future itself

twistedshaft.
11/07/08

No one could fathom

No offense.

No one can quantify it, understand it, fathom what detrimental effects it brings.

I want to go. To find out where I'll end up.
I want to ask. To get more time.
I want to throw myself in the fire. To see if I burn.
I want to pitch myself over the cliff. To find out where I'd land.
I want to. So badly.

But I can't and I won't. Cause I know what it'll do. I know of the catastrophic effects it will bring.

I just don't know.

Thinking in the shoes of another always brings such adversely opposite repercussions.
I don't mind taking the silver bullet. Or the happy dagger.
But humans are selfish. We all want something more. Even if its something we can't have.

Feelings never have to be rational I guess.

No one could fathom
The emotional tension that builds as every day passes.
I could say/tell/express it to release some of the pressure.
But the bottom line.
I face the beast alone.

I am strong. I fight/duel/spar with it.
But walls will crumble.
People will tire.

Could I discount it all as bad luck? That fate was against my plight.
Wishful thinking? That perhaps I wasn't good enough.
Something I could erase? That scars could heal.

I have been strong and kept my chin up for someone else.
Could I be the same? For myself instead.

twistedshaft.
6/07/08

Why?

Why the obstacles?
restrictions?
complications?

Why can't it be simple again?
black and white?
straightforward?

Why does it always take so long?

Was it all an act based on guilt?

I wish i knew.

The struggle for understanding.

twistedshaft.

Maybe its like the nick says, it is twisted.

Complex, it is.

Irrevocably.
Captured.
Influenced.
Controlled.
Affected.
Changed.
Domineered.
Hopeful.
Shortchanged.
Caught.
Indecisive.
Confused.
Suppressing.
Dreaming.
Sustaining.
Faithful.
Uncontrollable.
Chagrin.
Vexed.
Love.

Lets stop at 20 of them...

twistedshaft.

Arrival

7 days have passed...

I guess I'm back.

No surprise there. I said I would be.

China was interesting to say the least. Nope, no tremors felt. (dang). It was cool to re-visit the place I spent 2 and a half years at. Yep, P4-5 (Came back to S'pore for P6).

However, I would say that the trip was more of a meaningful one and not a enjoyable trip? The family spent most of our time just meeting up with old friends and having meals. We even had someone to plan out all our meals! Like...lunch with these folk and dinner with some government official. Every day was booked...

Kinda made me feel like some tourist attraction which everyone wanted to meet and treat (it even rhymes). Where's the freedom of a holiday in that?

You know me. With my limited Chinese. I just sat, ate, smiled and read my book. Anti-social yeah, but what else could I do?

Euro Cup nights and mornings with dad were good though. Plus all the sword-fighting dramas.

That kinda sums up my trip.

twistedshaft.

Departure

I'm leaving yeah. Maybe not on a jet plane, but definitely a plane though.

Be back in 7 days, 13th June.

I'm sure you'll miss me :)

7 days without twistedshaft. Wow...quiet it will be.

Well, I'll miss you yeah?
You know who you are. Take care of yourself.

You too Dan. You'll definitely be missed.

twistedshaft.

till 7 days later...

ROCKY

I watched the latest Rocky movie quite awhile ago. You know Rocky? The American boxer? Anyway, he said this to his son, it goes something like this:

"The world throws the hardest punches at you. Staying down and dodging just shows that you're the coward. Pick yourself up and hit back."

This might not be accurate, like the exact words that were said but you get the gist right?

Anyway, like I always say, chin up and be strong. You never lose until YOU say you do.

twistedshaft.

Flashbacks

a cold rush of blood to the head caught me off guard
a lonely lost mind wandering around aimlessly
visiting a place that I had left behind
a place that wanted to be forgotten

thankfully, reason and reality pulled me out
saving me one more time
to suppress the beast within
for another day

i guess no ones perfect
nothing cut so deep before
can be carved out so cleanly
the surgery's a working progress

twistedshaft.

Last Words

LAST WORDS

"I’m an asswipe, a jackass, a bastard, an idiot, a loser, a lover, a dream, a hope, a fear, a moment;

A man without a conscience, a boy without dreams, a kid without a toy, a monster without teeth, a person without life, a heart without love.

I kiss and I hug, I whisper and I scream, I cry and I laugh, I hate and am hated, I love but am not loved.

So you ask me why, after all this, you should love me.

And I say it’s because I love you damn it.

I love you."

These were my last words, my last resort, my last ditch attempt to turn the tides.

But I guess I never had the chance to use this last trump or maybe I had walked past it without even noticing.

As the sights i see sink like knives, I know that I must end it, before it finally consumes me and we reach the point of no return.

There was so much I still had to say, still had to ask, still had to do, but I guess its too late now. Your ship has set sail, leaving me at the steps of the harbor.

I should thank you, for all you've done, all you've endured. Thank you for accommodating me, sparing a thought for me. Thank you.

Now I shall take my place, step back into the crowd and hopefully stay as your friend. One who will always have your back and care for your well being.

You have a good one.

And smile more, cause you look your best when you do.

Your friend,

twistedshaft.

FOR YOU

FOR YOU who is feeling down.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

I hope this helps. Keep your chin up and stay strong.

"When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. "

~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

4 more days:) Take care of yourself till then.

twistedshaft.

The way you make me feel

The Way You Make Me Feel

I think yesterday And all the times I spent being lonely
I watched the young be young
While all the singers sung
About the way I felt
The days are here again
When all the lights go down,
What do they show me?
The rules are all the same
It's just a different game To tell you how I feel
Although it seems so rare I was always there

I can't stop digging the way you make me feel
I can't stop digging the way
I can't stop digging the way you make me feel

I took a little time
Scripting all the things that I tell you
I'll send them through the mail
And if all goes well
it'd be a day or two
I spent some extra nights
Trying to forget the things that I've shown you
By now the smoke is cleared
And all along I feared
It would turn out this way
Though it might be wrong
My light is always on

Look at us now
Ask me, how did this get so
I'll show you how
Got my shoes on the ground
But I'm taking em' off (taking em' off)
And I'm ready to walk, yeah

I can't stop digging the way you make me feel

McFly

Though it might be wrong
My light is always on

twistedshaft.

Why so many song lyrics?

WHY SO MANY SONG LYRICS?

A question someone had asked me.

Well, I feel that songs are very powerful instruments that we seldom take to mind. Many abstract themes are expressed through many songs of today and all it takes to further appreciate the effort and talent of the artist is to gaze deeper into the song, its lyrics. By achieving that, you will slowly start to realize that music is more than just the tune created by the notes, it is the marriage of notes and lyrics.

Personally, I feel that sometimes the lyrics of a song can express how I feel even better than I can describe with my own words.

Take time to read and appreciate the lyrics I post. Who knows? You might feel the same.

twistedshaft.

Thoughts

THOUGHTS

As I gaze at the battle below,
The situation appears grim.
I will not last the next wave,
I guess its time to sound the retreat.

As the match draws to a close,
I call for time.
The team huddles together,
"Heart, Mind and Soul. I think its time to take the bench."

My eyes,
Why gaze so.
Vinegar for blood,
Flow through my veins.

If its for the best,
For your best,
I'll take the bullet.

O, happy dagger.

twistedshaft.

Breathing

Breathing

I'm finding my way back to sanity, again
Though I don't really know what
I am gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace

I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I am looking past the shadows
Of my mind into the truth and
I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one's you?
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off me
One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want to be here now

Lifehouse.

twistedshaft.

Apology

TO WHO IT CONCERNS

I'm sorry for that moment of awkwardness today. Its been in my wallet for so long. Forgot to remove it. Who would've guessed though? All that from 3 words?

once again,

I'm sorry.

twistedshaft.

Can never shake this

CAN NEVER SHAKE THIS

To who it might concern, I am sorry, truly. I wish i could tell you all this personally, but chances are so minimal they might even be non-existent. Therefore, I must write this all down. In hope that they will finally let my mind rest.

The question of:
What if?
Meaningless yes, but i can't seem to shun these thoughts of what could have been.

Question flood my head every moment of my day.

What did i do wrong?
Everything was going fine wasn't it?
What went wrong?
Maybe I was too hasty?
A tad bit rash?
How did I not match up?
Why didn't it work?
Is it just me?
......

So many loose ends. questions unanswered.

There isn't a moment I don't wish for a restart button that i could push. Maybe i could change everything. Undo all i had done. Then all these questions could disappear and leave my troubled mind. Wishful thinking.

I guess this world isn't fully made of logic with all these anomalies floating about in the pool of life. The unexplained. Questions without answers. I guess life just isn't easy. An uneven road ridden with treacherous traps and setbacks. I can't seem to be able to see a safe path through this. All I can do is climb hill after hill, hoping to see my destination over the next hill.

I guess it was fun while it lasted. Unfortunately, everything had to be short-lived.

It has changed. I miss it. Miss the times. Now all thats left to remember are the unanswered questions and thoughts of what ifs.

Hoping that one day i'll find my answers,

twistedshaft.

Sinking deeper into the ground

SINKING DEEPER

As inter-band issues take their place in my ever growing weight above me, I exert myself to keep myself standing. Looking to the ground for help i dig my feet deep. With the ground giving no response, i sink deeper into the slowly forming pit.

I guess everyone's different. We all think differently, act differently, like different things. Sure you might say a band should think as one and support one another, but i guess this doesn't hold true for all band of brothers. Maybe this is why bands dissolve in the end.

An analogy,

Two rivals. Who compete in different subject examinations on different days.
Rival one realizes he has forgotten to bring a pen for his examination and approaches rival two to borrow one. Rival two knows clearly that he does not have need of a pen on that day because his examination falls on another day. By refusing to lend his rival a pen he could well have won the competition, but by lending the pen he could jeopardize his chance of being the best.

Would you lend you pen if you were Rival two?

I don't understand why rivals can't shake hands and help each other. I mean if you want to win that badly, do it on an equal playing field. At least then you can say you really won the battle fair and square.

Is lending a hand to OHM and playing for them really that unacceptable? To me, this isn't a question of loyalty. CALM is still first priority for me. What i am doing is a mere favor to OHM. Helping out a fellow band. Taking a chance to gather more performing experience before our actual gig. Is that unacceptable? Unworthy of your support?

Sigh...guess i'll never understand what they hold against my friends in OHM.

twistedshaft.

To You

TO YOU

Dear reader,

I'd like to say that what you have read from before, well, it is kinda outdated. It being late May already.

Well, since i might have a new audience, i might consider adding more dated entries to my small meager collection.

Well, stay posted. I promise one by this weekend at least, maybe earlier if i find the time.

Nothing too deep. Bits and pieces of me. What i'm thinking about. How i think. Random thoughts. Relevant thoughts.

Immerse yourself, into my world, my mind.

twistedshaft.

Its just the way...

The Way

There's something bout the way you look tonight,
There's something bout the way that i can't take my eyes off you.
There's something bout the way your lips invite,
Maybe its the way that i get nervous when your around.
And I want you to be mine
And if u need a reason why,

It's in the way that you move me, and the way that you tease me,
The way that I want you tonight,
It's in the way that you hold me, and the way that you know me,
When I can't find the right words to say,
You feel it in the way.

There's something bout how you stay on my mind,
There's something bout the way that I whisper your name when I'm asleep
Maybe its the look you get in your eyes.
Oh baby its the way that makes me feel to see you smile.
And the reasons they may change
But what i'm feeling stays the same.


I can't put my fingers on
Just what it is that makes me love you, baby.
So don't ask me to describe,
I get all choked up inside,
just thinking bout the way.

There's something bout the way you look tonight.
There's nothing more to say then,
I feel it in the way.

Clay Aiken

twistedshaft

The Fatal Truth

The Fatal Truth

I built my castles
I built my fantasies
I built my perfect world
I built my perfect life

I wrote the perfect catch phrase
I wrote the perfect story
I wrote the perfect play
I wrote the perfect song

Down came the tragic piece of information
Down from the mouth of another
Down came what I never wanted to hear
Down sank my heart

Something I couldn't believe
Something I couldn't accept

Away went what I built
Away went what I wrote

The Fatal Wound
The Fatal Truth

The Tragedy of Mis-timings

twistedshaft

The Quiet Treatment

The Silent Treatment

What kind of world am I in?
You see something you'd like.
You desire it.
You set your goals.
You give it all.
You go all in.
You pitch yourself towards the finish line.

You get nothing in return.
You get no position tags.
You get not success nor failure.
You get nothing in return.

You think to yourself.
You think, after all I've done, shouldn't I get something back.
You get nothing.

You think what kind of world is this.
You think, a world where nothing adds up.
You think, a world where logic doesn't reign supreme.

At least failure wouldn't be so bad.
At least what you did made a difference in a life.
At least you made a mark on someone's life.
At least it was worth something.

The silent treatment.
Every turn met by silence.
Every call replied with silence.
The sound of nothingless.

Will anything break this silence?
Will anyone break this silence?

Questions once again met with no answer.

The silent treatment...

twistedshaft

Another entry...

School's almost in full swing now with lessons as per normal and cca everyday. I'm starting to feel the strain both mentally and physically. Well...maybe more physically then mentally as i don't really have that much homework yet. Had a chem test recently though. 12/15! which converts to around 80%. This proves that i ain't stupid even if i'm a dsa student. However, the rest of the class sis score in a range of 13-15. Guess i ain't a genius either:)

Everyday i walk into school with at least one muscle group aching:( Don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining. I like pe and pt cause i like to exercise, especially if its through a game:) Its just, muscles aches can be quite irritating when climbing stairs or walking long distances. So, i conclude that the exercise is great, but the after effects...not so great. I am happy that i can feel myself getting stronger and fitter:)

PW hasn't kicked in yet so i'm pretty free when its comes to tuesdays. I have like 3 hours worth of breaks! Why don't they compress all the lessons together so i can end school 3 hours earlier? This i don't understand...maybe its because of timetable contraints? However, PW will be kicking in soon. In like 2 weeks:) I had fun, but the show must go on right?

I still love choir! I'm getting to know people better now. Talking more too...maybe close to too much:) Made a lot of new friends, especially the tenors. Then there's the J2s like Yuntian, Conan, LingChung, JingAn, SiXuan and ... Really great people in the choir. Made me feel very warm and welcome in the NJchoir society. I hope to make new friends and build on the existing friendships in the choir:) I forgot to add in another friend, alumni member, CheeJun. Rock on man!

We, the choir, had a rough time with ms lim on tuesday. This resulted in the wastage of one valuable practice. We only have 8 left with ms lim before our competition in Italy! Must chiong sia. Gtg mug scores till Tuesday. Ms lim hinted she wanted to test the J1s on our parts:( Damn...no more slacking now. About 5 days to mug for 6 songs...damn...

And then there's softball... I can feel that training is getting more intense now. No more funny business or trials. Its all training. Learning the skills and building the muscles for it:) PT by coach on Monday was da BOMB! Never ran so much at that pace before. We had the whole field for the day...meaning it was going to be skills training. (Fielding and batting maybe). Nic even said that that days practice would be simple and easy, but...after 30mins we were told to pack up and go for PT... The best thing was that i skipped choir cny rehearsals for this...which might some to you as stupid. PT better than singing?

Happy Chinese New Year to all!

twistedshaft

My Week

Hiaz...

This week has been a short but nonetheless tiring week. I'm pretty exhausted by now even as i type in this entry. Had my first hand in lectures and tutorials this week. After my first day i said to myself, "i'm going to poly...". I was simply clueless in lessons, especially bio and lit. Everyone there was like exceptionally smart and weren't a bit loss in the tidal wave of new information and knowledge. I personally felt like going to sleep. Maybe it was because my brain couldn't handle all that info and was trying to reboot:)

After awhile it got better. My brain might have adjusted already:) Bio got clearer. Like my teacher, ms chua, who coincidently is also my choir teacher. Maths teacher, mr low is great too with all his jokes and his promised games to come. No offense to my chinese teacher, mr zhou, at all but i find it a losing battle everytime i step into chinese class. Its not the teachers fault. I mean he's great as a teacher. I guess i'm just rusty when it comes to chinese. I love mr whitby! He's an excellent irish/scottish literature teacher! There is absolutely no way to fall asleep in his lessons! Just quite sad that he only teaches H1 lit while i take a H2. At least i'll get him for the next month at least...

Homework situation wasn't so bad. Not much to do actually. Tutorial questions mostly...thankfully no esaays to write yet. Really dread writing long essays cause they require a lot of time and thought. This i dont really possess.

The highlight! CCA! Softball was really tiring but great fun. Even though pt was on the verge of killing me, i still enjoyed myself thoroughly roughing it out with the team. Surprisingly, the ache of my muscles and joints gives a great sense of satisfaction. Feel really strong now! Really looking forward for this weeks training. I'm gonna train real hard. Really want to lift up the name of NJ softball! Plis i already bought the CCA shirt:)

Choir was enjoyable too. Although we always just sing everyday we did have orientation and dinner. Got to know my senoirs better through captains ball and macs. We are going to Italy in march! Really cant wait. Gonna celebrate my birthday overseas! Hoping for a italian cake:)

hahas...thats about all in this week.

Gtg so sis can continue her presentation on the com.

Adieus,

twistedshaft

Awakening (Updates)

I'm back! From what it seems to have been a long vacation.

Need to update my profile. I've been accepted into NJC. By DSA actually. Through the choir. Well, i'm in OG13. The best OG around in NJ. Credit goes to all the members in the class and hugely to the OGLs who made orientation such an enjoyable experience. Thank you.

I'm seriously thinking of plunging myself into an abyss of commitments. It must be in my nature. I like to be occupied. To feel busy and tired. Not sure why. You must think i'm crazy but its just me. Maybe its because when i'm tired and worn out, the breaks and vacations feel really good relaxing because of all the work i put in to attain it. Maybe, maybe not.

I've set my mind on joining softball and choir. Choir, I enjoy singing, I really do. The people in the NJchoir are great too. We're going to Italy! For a competition. Really can't wait for that. But with it comes practice. Hours of practice and discipline. Sufferings are ahead. Softball. I love the sport! Really have the passion and interest for it. Just pick it up when i found out that NJ had a softball team. Its quite sad though that the team doesnt have any funding from the school and the team has to pay for the coach and equipment. Coach costs like 3k a month! Supposed to be from the S'pore national team. I hope that i will be able to continue my stay in these two ccas. Many people tell me its taxing. I know it is but how taxing it is and whether i can handle all that pressure will be something i want to find out by myself. Thanks to Yuntian who gave me the chance to experience it for myself:)

Timetable sucks! That is the one thing i dislike about NJ. I have only one free period and 2 days that end at 430! What lousy timings. So late. Cca like starts immediately on those two days. Tommorrow will be my first day under the new timetable. Sigh...5 different subjects on the same day...boring and tiring. Lord help me to stay awake and alert tommorrow. Got a CAAL period to end the day too. Whats that about?

Choir practice cum orientation cum dinner tommorrow after school! A least I have something to look forward to during classes. Too bad i'll have to miss yet another OG13 outing...sorry guys. They'll always be other chances. We are stuck together for the next 2 years. Anyway, i hope the choir event is fun tommorrow. Am giving up a fun softball practice for it. Jiayou to the com planning for it!

Its about time i hit the sack. Long lessons ahead of me tommorrow. Till my next entry.

twistedshaft